Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
