If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
