i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
