I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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