Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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