matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
