haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
