Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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