My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
