Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
