Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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