i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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