and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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