Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
