Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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