that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my being single is dangerous.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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