Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
