Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
