I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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