He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
