dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
