i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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