his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
