My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
