I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
