So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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