absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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