Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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