Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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