With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
