bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
