hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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