good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im part way to drunk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
