So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she smelled like a LAN party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
