i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
