Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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