I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
