You smell like a Billy Joel song
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize