I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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