and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
