I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
