I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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