There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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