Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
