I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
