he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
