These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
