i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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