3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize