You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
where am i from again
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
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Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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