Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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