friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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