He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
