it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this just has baby written all over it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
