Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
