I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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